No Opposition Here to Gay Marriage – Zach Wahls Video

This video is making the rounds on the Internet. I normally don’t send my blog too far into this area, but I believe this man’s conviction warrants exception.

Below is a video of a a young Iowa man (Zach Walhs) making a strong statement to legislature in support of gay marriage, talking specifically about his two lesbian mothers and how blessed and proud he feels to have been raised by them.

I know the argument gets raised that marriage “should” be between a man and a woman because (among other reasons) that’s how we propagate the species. My response to that (with respect to any religious beliefs aside), is that gay individuals are in the minority and therefore I have no concern whatsoever as to the continuance of our species in that regard. Therefore, my concern is more in regards to the freedom for Americans to pursue happiness.

I’m sure there are studies either way on how kids of gay parents end up, but at this point I don’t really care. The fact is this guy is the exact type of guy even the most homophobic parent would be proud of if he were theirs (a point the gentlemen makes more diplomatically in his address) and that’s enough for me to say that healthy homosexual couples deserve that same chance at parental pride that healthy heterosexual couples do – end of story.

Steve Tobak: The Gender Wage Gap Is A Complete Myth

Steve Tobak posts a great article sourced by Marty Nemko in a recent CBS/BNet article.

I agree with Tobak’s conclusion and hope this “issue” can be finally put to bed.

As far as I’m concerned, this is one myth that has been officially and completely busted. Maybe you should celebrate International Women’s Day 2011 by empowering women with the truth instead of treating them like victims … which they’re not.

– Steve Tobak, March 8, 2011

People’s Comments re: NBC’s New ‘Breakthrough’ Show What’s REALLY Wrong With America – UPDATED

I watched Tony Robbins’ new Breakthrough show last night on NBC, and read many of the comments in the Huffington Post this morning regarding it. Here’s what were among the top 20:

Cookerman45 said that he was “tony the cult master“.
Jebbushnot said that “This guy has been a ‘new age’ hustler since the late 1970′s when he charged believers $200 to walk across hot coals in their bare feet….this was in Del Mar, CA. I know a 24 year old women who paid her money and ended up in the hospital with burns on her feet.“
Duhtruth said “This is a joke of major proportions. The only thing I hope is that one of the razor companies supports Tony. He is in need of a decent shave. Looks like he just came from a homeless shelter.“
UnrepentantProgressive said this: “Does Tony Robbins advocate for higher taxes on the wealthy? For a federal work force for the long-term unemployed? For an end to credit card usury? These things would really help people out, millions of people. I mean, no problem if he just focuses on helping individuals out, but we need more inspiration that just “think positive.” We need political and socio-economic revolution. Seriously, I’m asking because I don’t know much about the guy, and have never found motivational speakers very interesting. Does he ever advocate on macro-level, cultural issues?“

Here’s my problem with these comments:
1) Not ONE single comment or kudo to who was actually the focus of the show, Frank and Kristen Alioto. Not one word about their incredible struggle, the personal transformation they went through over the 30 days, or their amazing results. Maybe it’s just these blog commenters, but I thought people on the left were supposed to be so much more compassionate? Or, are we that conceited and self-absorbed?

2) The personal attacks on Tony Robbins. People can like him or not like him, that’s their choice, but the comments from these people are pure ignorance. Here’s why:
1. Tony Robbins is no more a ‘cult master’ than an Arianna Huffington is.
2. Robbins has not only produced results in his OWN life, but in OTHER peoples’ lives as well. How many of us can say we’ve done the same? Of the commenters above, I’d say ZERO, in large part due to the fact that their own lives are miserable (no one with their discourse is truly happy).
3. Anyone who’s actually gone through Robbins’ material or his seminars knows that it is NOT about positive thinking. If you want that, go to “The Secret” and waste your life there. The cornerstone of Robbins’ material is about action, not thought.
4. People who are successful (or have become successful) have found Robbins’ material to be very useful, whereas those who have made nothing of their lives haven’t. That’s a clue, people.
5. Only people who firewalk incorrectly – i.e. those who don’t follow the instructions – will burn their feet. I’ve firewalked many times, and the only way someone could end up in hospital is if they deliberately stood still on the coals.

3) “Does Robbins advocate for higher taxes on the wealthy?… an end to credit card usury?”
I can’t speak for him, but I think Robbins would likely say that people should focus on their own lives first before projecting their problems onto someone else’s. The rich aren’t responsible for people’s happiness or hardship and neither are the credit card companies. Don’t like the interest rates? Don’t get a credit card! What made you get one in the first place, and what made you need to carry a balance? I’d also challenge any of these commenters to make a list of everything they’ve done in their life to get ahead vs. someone who has become successful on their own, and see what the differences are. Judging by their discourse, I’m guessing there would be many. Want to advocate something? Then be an example, don’t just yap.

These comments exemplify what I think is wrong with America, and that’s people not owning their own problems. Life’s not miserable because there are credit card companies, life coaches, firewalkers, or big-headed transformation experts out there. Life is miserable for people because MOST people give up control of their lives and then turn around and bitch when it doesn’t go their way.

The Aliotos seemed to have almost given up, but they didn’t. They took ownership of their lives and responsibility for their own happiness. Refocusing upon what they had vs. what they didn’t, they were able to pull themselves out of their situation and I’m assuming continue to be much happier and better off as a result.

To anyone who didn’t watch the show, I’d recommend watching if for no other reason than to see how two people with problems likely far worse than our own got through them, and to share in what I thought was a truly inspiring story. Seeing Kristen’s smile change alone was worth the hour of time, and Robbins should be commended overall for what he helped accomplish.

**** UPDATE ****

I’ve continued to catch comments from critics and the only criticisms I’ve seen so far that have had any substance are those which say that the show felt too rushed, which I agree with but have no idea how that problem could be solved packing so much into an hour.

Perhaps a workaround, though, is the “behind the scenes” Insider area that I happened upon. There, Robbins shares a lot of what we didn’t see on the TV show, and for me it provided much of the substance and “reality” that I was looking for from the show itself.

Robbins talks more about his time with the couple and the extent of the struggles they had even being on the show. He shares the story of how Frank was actually dropped (yes, DROPPED!) by staff not once but TWICE, and how much of a struggle emotionally it was for both Frank and Kristen to even get Frank out of the house, let alone get him on an 11 hour flight. After the second time Frank was dropped the couple apparently called Robbins and said, “That’s it! We’re done!”, but thankfully, they hung in there.

Hearing this “behind the scenes” story not only made the show that much more real and enjoyable to me, it also showed Robbins in a very “real” way as well. I don’t see how anyone can watch that extra clip and call the guy a phony. Robbins also shares some of his insights into the Alioto’s challenge, and I think he’s bang-on. I look forward to future episodes.

I Take It Back – Judge Tiger for Being an Idiot Because He Is One

When I first wrote a post about judging Tiger Woods’ golf swing and not for his skills as a marriage counselor, that was based on what appeared to be one affair and what appeared to be two “side” flings.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think ANY affair is acceptable. Rather, my post was more to the point of how people are surprised by infidelities (I mean, “transgressions”) with ANY celebrity, even someone as wholesome as Tiger Woods seemed to be up to this point.

But now 12? Even if only 3 of these women coming forward are legit, the fact that at least 12 can come forward with something means that apart from being a cheater and a liar, he was also a complete and total idiot. And who knows if that’s the end of it. Maybe there’s still another 6 to come forward.

Besides, what did you think these women were going to do, Tiger? Be discreet? OF COURSE Monica Lewinsky was going to save the dress, OF COURSE Heidi Fleiss was going to keep records, and OF COURSE these women were going to keep the emails, texts, and voicemails and tell one thousand of their friends and coworkers not to tell A SINGLE SOUL that you two were sleeping together behind your wife’s back. And of course none of them had any plans to cash in once one of them broke their silence.

There’s only one word for this, and that is “IDIOT!” (“Cheater” was worn out after #3…)

There! Now that we’ve settled that, can he go back to playing golf?

Judge Tiger Woods For How He Swings a Golf Club

So it appears that Tiger Woods has been cheating on his wife. A professional athlete, celebrity, and millionaire has been cheating on their wife. Shocker. (Yawn).

After hearing the voicemail Woods apparently left his mistress, Glenn Beck called him a “dirtbag”. Cheating is wrong, and I don’t condone it. In fact, I think it’s weak. But I also don’t care enough about Tiger Woods’ personal life to go as far as to throw an insult at him and dwell on this “news story” for days on end.

Woods isn’t out there as a marriage counselor. He’s out there as a professional golfer, and that’s it. I watch him and appreciate him as a golfer and one of the best that’s ever come to the game. How he drives a car, how spends his evenings at 2:30am, and how well he ducks a jilted woman’s swinging golf club is none of my concern.

He’s a golfer, first and foremost. It’s everyone else that makes him a celebrity (granted, he goes along willingly). As we know, and have always known, celebrities get propositioned and tempted by women all the time who are looking for their first, or next, 15 mins of fame. I hope everyone (including these players’ wives and mistresses) can quit acting so surprised, so shocked, so sorry, and so disappointed over something that should be pretty much expected when dating or marrying anyone in the public eye. It’s highly unlikely that they truly ever believed they were going to be the “only one” when they got with these guys, so where’s all this “shock” and “disbelief” coming from?

For those married to or dating celebrities, expect it to happen. It comes with the territory and if it doesn’t, feel lucky. For those of us not married to or dating celebrities, let’s please move on with our lives.

The Fallacy of “True Love”: Conditional vs. Unconditional Love

Out of our value for certainty and stability, many of us tend to place the conditional love of our families far above the unconditional love of our spouses. Our immediate families are supposed to be those who will love us, forgive us, and help us no matter what, and when we find the same kind of love in our spouse, we tend to call it “True Love” and think we’ll be happy, but we won’t.

For starters, it isn’t true love. How can unconditional love be “true”? The relationship we have with our brothers, sisters, parents, and even children is never really there by choice. It’s there by genetics, by biology, by rule of law, by tradition, and/or by some sense of obligation. There may be some degree of choice in there, but it’s a very small degree by comparison.

Take, on the other hand, conditional love, the kind we get from our spouses and close friends. These are people who are not obligated to be with us, yet they are. Out of nothing but their own free will they’ve chosen us, and have chosen to be at our side through thick and thin.

Our spouses are there to accept our faults and misgivings just as our families do, but they will not continue to stand by us if we let our faults take over. They love the best in us, and want to see it continue. Their love, respect, and admiration in this regard is not easy and automatic – it has to be earned, and when it is earned, it can be cherished.

There is no growth in unconditional love. One may grow closer to family members but the fact is, once you are past your formative years and into adulthood, there is no room left for you to grow as a person inside your immediate family. This is why those who go back time and time again to their immediate family for love and support still play out the “child” or “infant” role in their own relationships.

There is also no spark, no chemistry, no intimacy, and no passion in unconditional love. These are the things which we hear people whine about time and time again of not having, yet look at where those people consistently go to get their love – where it’s unconditional.

Start to put the unconditional love you receive on a pedestal where it belongs and watch the passion come back into your life and your relationship. Cut the umbillical cord with your immediate family and start to view your spouse, and the conditional love that you have between yourselves, as your true and ideal strength and you’ll also find that the unconditional love your spouse has for you will become that much stronger, too.

When you have both together, that’s where you have intimacy, chemistry, and certainty. That is when you have “True Love.”